1. “I don't understand why I'm single my hobbies include smelling my own hair and bragging about how I'm immune to bats”
2.” Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand. Whatever mate, I've got two night stands. Either side of my bed.”
3. “whats the difference between me and a
a calendar has dates”
4. “Relationship has 12 letters
So does ‘Fuck That Shit’. ”
5. “Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.”
6. “Being single is cool bc you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss”
7. 5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like "sorry wrong message"
8.” If tinder has taught me one thing it's that there is an extraordinary amount of single girls named Shelby that love to ride horses”
9.” Went into a store w/ wet nails & asked the cashier 2 pull a cig outta my purse & he said "get a boyfriend so you don't have to be like this"
10. 'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."
11. So single that I'm starting a recycling program- dudes from years ago are back in my life. Super environmental.
12. I woke up like this: alone.
13. Saw a couple holding hands while jogging and it made me hopeful that one day I will meet someone who will hate them with me.
14. I'm not into Internet dating, but I am dating the Internet.15. Right now, several billion people aren't dating you. How rude is that?